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Force Ignorance, Feign Bliss

July 15, 2010

When your being hounded by the real world, it can be difficult to carry on. Forces beyond your control will always be at work, but dealing with the stress of such situations can be more than any normal psyche can handle. This simple fact, coupled with the human brains unique ability to synthesize happiness from undesirable situations, presents an interesting opportunity for those of us who are, for lack of a better term, ass fucked by life.

What exactly do I mean here?

There isn’t a magic bullet for “ass fucked by life”, but what I’m saying is that you can fake it in order to achieve the illusion of a normal existence where there isn’t one.

Once you start to ignore the things that make you throw up, your brain will start to put them in storage. This means that every time you go to buy a cookie at Starbucks you don’t automatically hear your brain screaming at you that you “JUST DON’T HAVE THAT MONEY OH GOD”. Your brain, wonderful thing that it is, will start to re-imagine your situation as not all that bad. Once the overwhelm is gone, your brain can do what it was meant to do; protect you.

As a bonus, if your emotionally stable and in a chaotic situation, your decisions will be much more reasonable. Just plain forgetting about everything but one or two attainable goals can be best course of action. You can stay focused until your ready to pick another one. Or at least until you know what you’re having for dinner tomorrow.

Last night, I had a panic attack.

Maybe not a huge one, but a panic attack none the less. I had, without really paying attention to the fact that I was doing it, started completely ignoring most of my debt in order to focus on looking for a place to live and a job so that I could eat. The debt it pretty harrowing – I could potentially be very, very fucked for a very, very long time. But someplace between the devil and the deep blue sea I decided to shut the part of my brain that works on that kind of stuff off completely, and everything started to get better.

I’m not really known for my exquisite handle on my moods, but as soon as I could just pretend that everything was fine and going to be fine and was always fine, I was magically fixed. I still got my chemically induced mood swings, but I could identify them and get a hold of them because I didn’t go into insane little rants in my head about how FUCKED I was.

Interestingly enough, the moment someone else brought it up, I died a little. I started to hold my breath. My mind started to race. What on earth was I doing ignoring this huge issue? How on earth was I going to deal with this? What could I possibly do to fix it?

But in reality, there isn’t anything I can do about it right now. Not a thing. I’m dead broke. I’m gonna be homeless in a month and a half. I need a new job. Reasonably speaking, there isn’t a damn thing I can do to unfuck myself.

So I set a clear goal.

Nice, simple achievable. Get a new job. Get a place to live. Make enough money to eat and keep the lights on. Then think about the debt.

Stop your downward spiral.

All it really comes down to is the fact that you can’t control most of the shit that happens in your life, and you sure as hell can’t keep yourself from flying off the handle while dealing with all of the stuff you can control at the same time. Strategic, self-imposed ignorance may just be the thing that keeps you from seeing shooting yourself in the face as a viable, rational, logical solution to your situation.

And that, dear friends, is a very good thing… BUT

You didn’t think that was it, did you? There is most definitely a catch.

When does it stop being Strategic Temporary Self-Imposed Ignorance(tm) and start becoming Flat-Out Three Rum-And-Cokes Denial?

If you haven’t got clear-cut goals and a plan to deal with them , you’ll never get from step one to step two. If you just ignore everything suddenly everything will turn really horrid for a reason you can’t remember why.

Set your goals, make them attainable, and laser focus on that shit. Don’t distract yourself with anything else. Do that, finish that, then set another one. Steps, increments, plans, whatever you call them.

The difference is direction. Your lost in the forest, making your own path. I don’t care if you use a machete or a Flammenwerfer.

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